Finding Christ

It’s been a long time since I wrote on this little blog of mine, and I feel like I owe you all an explanation. Things were booming in this project of mine.  I went viral for a bit.  I even got recognized in public. That’s a super weird experience by the way. But then it just…stopped… Not the shares, or the likes, or the stats of the blog. Me.  I stopped. Life went haywire for me shortly after my post went viral.  One day….one day….I will share in great detail about what I went through in 2016.  It’s not completely my story to tell.  There are other people involved, and I want to have full disclosure when I am finally able to let it all out. But it’s not really their story either.  It’s God’s story. I had to learn some things in 2016.  In order to do that, God had to take some things away from me.  One of those things was my desire to write. Stories wouldn’t come.  My fingers wouldn’t work.  I would log into my site and sit blankly in front of a screen.  Nothing.  No inspiration. And those feelings are confusing.  I thought I was

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I have too long neglected this blog of mine.  I’m going to try to be better.  Regular life consumes you, you know?  My kids are insane, my job is demanding, and I have to have some peace.  Writing used to be my peace, and now I’m going to make it happen again. As of recently, I’ve been a bit outspoken about the current political and social climate.  Ok, so that’s not actually “recently.”  I’ve always been this way. My poor mother.  I think I’m slowly killing her.  I’ve apologized multiple times to her because she unwillingly gave birth to an activist. For those of you who I am friends with (and my equally poor family) who are starting to believe that I’ve gone off the liberal deep-end, I want to explain how I arrived at my certain set of conclusions. Disclaimer:  I’m not baiting anyone with this post.  If you respond to this with anything other than civil discord, please use the backspace button liberally.  I am simply offering an ideology that explains me, my viewpoints, and my beliefs.  I’m not trying to change your mind about anything.  There’s this cool thing about the internet:  you can see something you disagree

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It’s been a year since my post To My Husband in this Weird Phase of Life went viral. And by viral, I mean it has had over 500,000 views on my blog alone, not counting the over 1 million views on other websites that picked it up.  I would love to be able to know exactly how many Facebook shares it has had, but I can only guess that it’s over 300k.  It was the most shared and viewed post on For Every Mom for 2015. That’s mind-blowing. I’ve never painted myself as a perfect person.  I make mistakes.  A lot of mistakes.  I’ve never painted my marriage as perfect.  We have to work really really hard for our marriage not to crumble and fall to pieces.  It has not been easy for us.  By no means do I believe I am any sort of expert on marriage, parenting, Christianity, or life in general.  I’m just me, writing words down as I feel them and life as I experience it. It’s amazing what honesty will do for a person.  In conversation with a colleague one day, I said something to the effect of that I don’t really care what people

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I want to write about fun things again. But I simply have no motivation with the way things are right now. Maybe one day I can get back to posting regularly and it will uplift your spirits in the way my words used to. But my heart is sad and my fingers just can’t seem to find the right words to give you much anymore. I had to excuse myself from the end of a family gathering this morning. I had held it in as long as I could and I couldn’t hide it anymore. Ben came to wrap his arms around me because he knew what was happening and I fell apart as soon as I smelled his cologne so close to my nose. I begged him to not ever let it be him. It can’t be him. We need him too much. Yet again, three more brothers in blue won’t ever walk the streets again. Three more brothers lost in this endless game of us versus them and them versus us. At first, I say to myself that I don’t know what we are doing to each other or how we got here. But then I realize that

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I was angry yesterday.  I woke up to the news of the 5 Dallas police officers killed and the 6 others wounded, and I was stunned. Anger ruled me for a good hour as I wept in my hotel bed and through my shower. I had to shield my children’s eyes from the newscast when they began to show the chaos from the night before. JP screamed, “DA DA!!!!” when he saw the flashing blue lights. No one was speaking during continental breakfast, and I noticed the black woman leaning over her eggs and bagel as she seemed terrified to make eye contact with anyone in the room. I had the urge to go hug her, but I didn’t want to draw attention to someone who really looked like she would rather disappear. Luckily, I had a seven hour drive ahead of me, and I was able to tune out the news and think. I thought about how easily this could be my husband or his best friends. No amount of training or confidence could have saved those officers. It was an ambush, plain and simple. I thought about how easily my children could be without a father, and how

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I am absolutely horrified by the reaction of the internet to the mass shooting at an Orlando gay nightclub on Saturday night. When I woke up on Sunday morning (just like Hillary Clinton did, what a shocker) to see the news of this tragedy, my only thoughts were of how horrible this was.  Yet another shooting in our homeland.  Americans were killed.  They were gay?  Oh gosh.  This was obviously a targeted attack.  Why do we all have to hate each other so much? Places my head didn’t go:  How can we make this Obama’s fault?  Or Trump’s fault?  Hillary’s?  CNN?  Islam?  Christianity?  LGBT?  Guns?  Assault rifles? But you – your head went there. And then you went to Facebook.  And Twitter.  And you filled it up with horrible things. Things about how this was due justice to the LGBT community.  Or you tried to make it not about the LGBT community, and only Islamic terrorism.  Or you decided that Christians were obviously to blame since we’ve been so vocal about our bigotry towards the LGBT community.  Or that God has left the country and this is what we’re left with.  Or religion is the downfall of modern society.  Or you

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It was placed on my heart to tell you this today.  I don’t know who you are, or what you’re going through, but we’ve all been there in some form or fashion.  I hope you find what you’re looking for in these words. It hurts today. I know it does. Someone took a cheese grater to your heart and left you with the shreds. I don’t pretend to know what you’re going through today.  It can be so many different things – a fight with your husband, an issue with a child, work problems, heartache, disappointment, betrayal, a loss, heavy decisions, or just a plain ole bad day.  Each one of us has something different that we attempt to smile through every morning. Some days are better than others.  Some days, you wake up and you think, “Ok, I can do this!”  Your mind is clear, your heart is steady, and you feel ok to laugh.  You see a glimmer of hope and promise that you can cling to for the moment. Some days are worse than others.  Some days, you wake up and wonder just how much more you can take before you absolutely crumble to the floor in a pile

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I got to spend a few solid hours with my husband yesterday in between his workdays with no kids. Such days are rare treats between his work schedule and kids and life and everything that gets in the way of us just being together. But we spent the day at a skeet shooting range with our friends in our Life Group class, and it really was not appropriate to have the kids with us.  So Mom kept them for the afternoon, and we spent the day shooting at clay targets (my first time firing a shotgun!) and hanging out together in God’s beautiful world. The whole day kind of made me swoon. I never get to see him in “police mode.”  He’s always my sweet, gentle, goofy guy.  But if you bring out a firearm around him, he immediately swaps into this powerful, steady, and focused man that, dare I say, is quite sexy.  I just HAD to tell him that in front of our Life Group leader, and I think I made them both blush.  He pulled me aside from the group and showed me how to load the shotgun, and gave me some safety tips.  Throughout the day, he

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So it turns out morbid curiosity is not limited to my four year old. In a conversation with some other moms, I learned that they are all starting to realize that death and pain are real things, and I was asked how I handle such things in our house.  I told them that I focus not on grasping the difficult concepts of the theologies of our faith, but stating simple facts about what we believe.  “If you believe in Jesus, you will go to Heaven,” and I answer questions the best I know how to, without terrifying her of the grave realities that mark our faith.  Childlike faith is encouraged by Jesus, and I believe that means believing words given to you by someone you wholly trust. The more thought I give to it, the more I realize that I am a much bigger part of the puzzle than I previously recognized. I speak often of the cultivation that we are to bring to the wide open fields that are our children.  How God has entrusted us to minister to our children by making Biblical decision for our families, and pushing towards a Christ-like atmosphere in which to raise our

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To many modern day feminists, the words “Christian feminist” will automatically seem like an oxymoron.  I can hear it now.  How can a religion that boasts suppressing women and orders them to be submissive to their husbands be a religion that also allows for feminine power?  To those points, I have several arguments to how they just aren’t true, but that’s a post for another day. There’s also a viral post about not being a feminist, that I take some issue with.  I’m going to chalk it up to the author of that article being a little immature and under-experienced. But there absolutely is such a thing as a Christian Feminist.  I am one.  I am proud to say it.  I may not hit these marks 100% of the time, but I strive daily. A Christian Feminist is a woman who recognizes the design of an Ultimate Creator, who created man and woman differently, and called them both “very good.”  God found that it was not good for man to be alone, so He designed a woman to be his counterpart, his companion, and his helpmate.  With that natural and very good design, women were created to be everything that

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